It's a little known fact, but all British films must, by law, follow a set of guidelines, set in place by the Queen. I came across the list after accidentally breaking into Pinewood Studios and thought I might as well share some of it with you guys.

1. All British films must include one of the following actors or a combination of several: Hugh Grant, Emma Thompson, Colin Firth, Rowan Atkinson, Bill Nighy or that guy from Sliding doors.

39. There must be at least one American actor who can either be completely desirable and foreign or put on a ridiculously inaccurate and over the top British accent in an attempt to fit in.

52. If the film is set in England, then it must be raining at least 30% of the time in order to be deemed believable by British audiences.

74. The American actor/character has to have a reasonably happy ending.

81. One of the Characters must be in love with a married or soon to be married character and although they express these feelings they will still be shot down.

109. Although it's agreed that we don't really like the Americans, they are funding most of the film so if you want to insult them, be subtle.

126. If the film is comprised of lots of storylines (as many are) At least three can't have a real ending.

158. Someone old/ugly has to have an affair with someone pretty but probably evil.

163. Having a designated "bad guy" lacks class. Make every one neutral so the audience gets confused.

180. Try and make the ending as ambiguous as possible so every one is really surprised when the credits suddenly pop up.

181. If this isn't possible, cut the last five minuets of the film and let the audience decide what happens.

In other news, Christmas is making me sad and poor. What a joy. I hope yours sounds better than mine does.